I more often than not find myself feeling lost. I spend way too much time worrying about the future.
Ever since I was a kid I’ve had big dreams, I always wanted to do something spactacular with my life.
I was into science and I wanted to conduct research that would change the way we look at the world. I wanted to become an arcitecht and create art while designing buildings. I wanted to be an author that would change someone’s life with the words I’d written. I wanted to create art that would touch people in such an intimate way that they could not let go of the thought I placed in their mind. I wanted to have an impact on the world around me.
Now I don’t dream anymore.
When I last year was going to apply for university I applied for programs I knew I wouldn’t get into. I guess I was scared,but I had also decided I wanted to move to the UK and I didn’t want to have to choose between my education and my love, so I knowingly applied for things I knew I wouldn’t get into.
Now I’ve lived here for almost a year.
I went through a long period of not doing anything during the days since I had to get all the documents in order to work. Then it took quite a while to get a job, and once I did it was a temp job doing something I hated. I dreaded going to work in the morning, I smoked way too much just to escape the job for a few minutes. I went to 3 different workplaces like this, each one worse than the previous.
When I finally got called up about a permanent full time position in the customer support branch, I did not believe I’d get it. And now I’ve been working there for 3 months. I earn a nice sum and I actually enjoy what I’m doing, however I know I don’t want to keep doing customer support for the rest of my life.
I’m at that point where I dream about going further on my carrier path but I have no idea what to dream about. I have no idea what I would like to do, or even what sort of position I would be good at. All i know is that I love the techy part of my job,I just do not want to keep answering the phone and deal with other people’s problem for the rest of my life.